ILU: To my special someone (jaja)

Dear my special someone,

I just got back from seremban. Here i am eager to write some note for you but i really not sure when u gonna visits my blog again. Hey, i wanna tell u something; The ILU words i've said to you and u replied ILU too was a sacred to me. I never mentioned it to any of my exs since the death of Mashy. She was my 2nd ex that totally opened up my eyes what is true love means. Frankly, entire life, i have only 5 exs involved with me and she i loved the most but god loved her ore than i do. I never said ILU to irena, shazwani,ct or illyani. I heard they grumbling bout that but the fact,its not i don't love but they are being fake all the time.After all, they fake it really good, i've been stabbed,cheated, and dumped. I rarely mentioned the words to anyone except Mashy. 

And am quite suprised when i managed to said that to u easily as easy as Mashy. It shows how much u mean to me. Mashy has open up my eyes, my mind by showing me the wider definition of love. Love just not a passionate, not just a feeling but love is life and life is about two people help each other to be a better person, love is about how both of u enjoy and trust each other, love is not about how happy u are but how long u lived. I learnt that with her. Love is not bout kisses, huggings or datings but it is about how bout of u establish the mutual respect, the solid understanding, and firm roots. 

I found that in you. Eventhough u never show me tangibly but i can see it in your eyes, your sing of body language. That is why i really love you. God tested my before. Taken Mashy, make me sad thn god sent me fakers for a reason.So when finally i meet up my true soul, i will appreciate her so much. Than god sent you. I saw u, i like you and i loved u. 

For me, it was the greatest treasure i ever had beside my family. I respected you, and what's more important; i loved u. Even the first day i saw you, i just cant say anything, in front of u i am numbed, clue-less. The day i said "ILU too" are the day i made up my mind, this is the moment, this is the time. never let her lose on sight because god's gift is only for a while. Make used everything to love, to hold,to grab u so u will never far.

I've started to fall in love for the first time at age of 16. I've met Mashy at age 19 and she died year after. what more regretted is i never had a chance to say i love her for the last time.She passed away in front of me and i do still remember the last minute of her dying moment she said "elly, i letih la, i rasa xlarat i nk tido" and forget to mentioned, she was in hospital at that time because of heart problem. I've said to her "i've got something to say but its ok la u, u letih jer darls, xpela,u tido dlu,nti u da tido i blik" and i holds her hands, and sat down beside her and after a while, doctors rushed to her room and there she goes, lying on the bed, souless, no breaths, paled and numbed. The doctor said to me that she already passed away. 

At that moment, only god knows how painful i was, how devistated i was. I wnted to cry but no tear, i want to shout but my voice is kept inside, i cried heavily inside, my hearts are shattered into pieces that i can't amend anymore.I regretted, mad at myself but she was wiser, too wise, she left a note on her phone. "Elly, i wntd you to be happy but u cant have it with me, remember, i left you not because i don't love you but god love me more than you do" I remained silent for a year. once a bubbly guy has turned into a really lone, a lone person. 

what am trying to tell you my special someone; am not comparing you with her, but i love you just the way i love her. I wnted you to be my special someone until the time god says "shez, your time is up". I began to loved u and i do understand your situation, your problems and all.So take your time, i'll wait for u with smiles, and i will be glad if we can share the problem, we'll find the solutions, so help me to help u to help us to be better person.I don't want to regret anymore for the 2nd time because you are my special someone and i love you so.

so if u read this entry, rest assured, because am entirely for you because "ILU" and "ILU"  all the time.

Shah Al Zefflee Rosli