Sunday, November 21, 2010

I am saying goodbye to you

This past 8 years, I am hurting myself, crying inside knowing that you will not coming back to me.
I built up my defenses yet someone will come and break it. Faces by faces each time.

I just want to know that I'd appreciated what you have done to me, Your words always be my courage. Your words always remind me of who I am and what should I be.
Thank you for that.

I'd remember you said that go for my happiness while I can. I try to reach my happiness, pursuit for my happiness but I don't know where to start. Where to begin?
I don't want to get hurt anymore.

But recently, I gladly to tell you that I've seen some light. A hope. A hope for me to be happy and also the possibility for me to get hurt again.
Actually there's someone here that I open my heart to but there's also a problem because I don't know what's our mutual feeling on this.

She's actually a nice girl. Decent in a look. Talkative. Courtesy for me. She's my source of happiness.
I hate to admit it but I've fall for her. I hate the fact that I like her. Despite of short lives of knowing her, my feeling grew really fast. She's fairer, beautiful, sensitive I guess.

I don't know what has gotten into me but at first It was started as the act of kindness. My heart told me to please her, make her happy and I did promise to myself to make her happy. I love to see her happy. I want to make her happy for the rest of her life. She's the source.

She always feeling sad, unhappy and cries a lot in the office. It worries me the most. I don't want her to cry but I have no leverage to control it. I can't control on what I can't control.
She's the one makes me feel lively everyday since I knew she will always be there in the office. Despite of not having enough quality conversations, outings with her, but I am picking up really well when it comes to her.

I want her to be happy.

I just want to tell you that I am okay now. I can accept the fact that you're now really far from me, really far from your family.
Trust me, my broken heart will healed, the scar will faded. If not because of you, I will not be like the way I am now. Thanks for the memories. I hope someday, somewhere we will meet again.

I will always pray for your happiness beside your maker and I am saying goodbye to you.

Thanks Mashitah. May your soul will always in best condition.
Rest in peace.

Mashitah Daneesya Khalid

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Reminder to Shez~

When you love a girl, sometimes it is best just to tell her, even if you are not sure if the feeling is mutual.

Know that even if she doesn't love you, it is a relief to get this off your chest.
Don't make a big production of it. Just give it to her straight. Acting like a drama king/queen could make her reject you. Don't get angry with her if she says no.

Remember, loving someone is not something people plan or do on purpose. Strong feelings like love arise from emotional stimulation, not choice and go easy on her, since telling her that you love her might be a bit overwhelming for her, and she may need a minute or two to think about it.

Wait for the right moment. Don't tell her you love her when either one of you is amongst friends. Wait until you are alone. But when you are, don't wait to tell her. Respect her reaction. If she doesn't love you back, your life isn't over; it may hurt, but that's how she feels.

Make sure that you are sure you are ready for the emotional roller coaster of love. There are highs and there are lows; if you are just thinking of saying it to get laid, DON'T. If you really love someone, you will respect them, care for them, and be there for the good and the bad. Are you ready for that?


"I love you" is a statement, not a question. don't expect an answer, because it doesn't exist.

Saying I Love You~

The human race is one that is filled with cement walls in place to avoid vulnerabilities. We are all so busy trying not to get hurt that we often hurt each other first, even by simple omission or accidental intention. We often are so concerned with protecting ourselves from rejection, pain, and fearful situations, that we talk ourselves out of one of the simplest, most intense, and blindly instinctual urges. We are ridiculously quick to talk ourselves out of the importance of saying, “I love you.”

Love, regardless of whether, is risky business. When we love and allow our emotions to not only be known or expressed we risk one of three things; rejection, loss, and having to accept love back. So many of us are wandering around with such deep wounds that the act of accepting love in return is just as scary as rejection.

Wouldn’t it be incredible if we as a human race could drop our defenses for just one day, and be completely expressive without fear? We would have the capacity to just tell people the honest meaning they carry in our lives, the effect they have on us, and the course we would like to see the relationship grow even when we are already in the relationship. Omission of expression is nearly the same thing as taking one for granted. Nobody dies with the regret of telling someone too often how much they cared, but people die everyday with their hearts still wounded from a love they never truly expressed.

It is easy to get wrapped up in our own wounds, our own feelings of ambivalence and our fears of feeling alone in the world. After all, a love that remains unexpressed is a love that nobody knows about. It is not until someone finds the courage to share their feelings that they are then blessed with the knowledge that they, too, are worthy of the love they are giving.

Woman in our life that we truly love need daily reminders of the fact that she is loveable. After all, the world can leave such horrific dents on our outer layers, and we can easily get caught in living within those layers. It’s cold out there. It’s painful out there. People are rude out there and often even a stranger can sting us with our own vulnerable fears and hang ups. What keeps us going in times of self doubt, fear, pain, and anguish is not just the hope of love, but the knowledge of love.

There is truly no underestimating the importance of saying, “I love you.” Those three little words are one half of the most important sentence in the world, “I love you, accept you, and how can I help you.” The term love implies both acceptance and the willingness to place someone’s needs ahead of our own. The term love implies more than a simple selfish passing moment, but a deep understanding of who someone is, and the knowledge that they are good enough without their perfections we are so often seeking. Without love and acceptance, what really do we have from each other?

Money, power, prestige, and fame can never buy the same feeling that your heart gets the first time the love of your life confesses their feelings. That wonderful little flutter in the tummy is irreplaceable, and who would want to replace it? It lets you know you’re alive.

While there is no valid argument to deter the notion that to love someone is to risk losing someone, there is a valid argument against using that as an excuse. It is easy to hide, but not very fulfilling. Loving openly and honestly and taking the risk that someone precious and dear to us might not be in our lives one day is part of the risk of daring to live fully. A heart that hasn’t broken can’t grow. A heart that hasn’t loved grows cold. And a heart that lives in fear shrinks with time.

Loving someone, and telling them often, is a gift. And not just to the recipient of your love, but to yourself as well. When you truly love someone and find the courage to express it well and express it often, you are giving more of a gift to yourself than anyone. You are claiming your will and right to live fully and completely and to bask in life’s joys just as quickly as you are able and willing to hurt from life’s pain. Why live the one sided coin lifestyle. You’re destined to feel pain no matter how hard you try to close off your heart. As humans, we are simply not designed that way. We are social creatures, put on this planet to nurture each other. Living alone without recognized love is just as painful, if not more so, than living with love and losing it.

Never underestimate the importance of saying, “I love you.” With a deep breath and a leap of faith, close your eyes, whisper the words and you can be sure when you open them again your life will have changed for the better.

Monday, November 15, 2010

When Woman say this, Man say that~

When woman say this :

‎"Whatever u give a woman,she's going to multiply..If u give her sperm,she'll give u a baby..If u give her house,she'll give u a home..If u give her groceries,she'll give u a meal..If u give her a smile,she'll give u her heart..She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her..So,if u give her any crap,u'll receive a ton of shit!!!"

Man will say this:

‎"whatever woman give to man, we will always enlarge it. If you give man smile, he will always treasure it. If you give man food, they will always remember you as the shelter, if you give him home, he will make to be heaven, if you give man your heart, he will give you life. If you give man a love, he will build his world around you. If you give man a lie, he will roll out and die"

Friday, November 12, 2010

Congratulations~You got 2 finally

Hi There sweetheart,

Hope you're doing well.

Wow, finally you have cracked 2 deals ya? Congratulations for that. See, I told you already, nothing is impossible. Life is full with possibilities. I am really happy for you. At least you have prove to the guy who always underestimate you that you still a money making machine. There's plenty to come near future.

Just go screwed what he said to you, he don't you know you ins & outs after all. Don't bother to take it into your account.

Now you can smile back from your heart. You sincere smiling that I really need to see. Good to hear that.
Today is your weekend. Hope you will have a blast this 2 days, pamper yourself, liberty yourself.
Go for swimming, hot chocolates or something.

My weekend's almost up. Tomorrow is working day. Another week in MarcusEvans.

You take a good care of yourself there. Be happy, sincere to yourself, to your heart and you shall be rewarded.

Have a nice weekend sweetheart.


Sad, Please Go Away~

Hello there. I hope you still there.

What is sad? Sad is when you're experiences the unfortunate event, unhappiness, showing sorrow or deplorable.
At this time, yes I am sad. I am sad with everything that has occur in my life.

I don't understand why the need for being sad? but it has happened to me.
Maybe I am thinking too much about everything. It feels like I am carry the world on my shoulder. Every single things i take into my account. This is not what I am looking for in life; to be sad. This is the last on my list.

But I can't afford not to be sad. Yes of course. How would it be if I push away my sadness and move on like nothing happen? I will be human-less, heartless. I am human being. I am absorb everything I see, I hear or I feel.
I have feeling. I have emotion.

I always succeeded making people around me happy, but the fact is, I am not. I keep hurting myself again and again. I have promised to be happy and treat myself in a good way.
All I want is to be happy.

I know no one gives a shit when you're sad. No one does. They tend to be closer only when you're happy, cheerful but when you're sad, How many people will come to you and calm you down with their wisdom tales, words etc?
Maybe there is people who care but how many of them?

After all this while, I am sheltering myself from being sad or hurt, or even making people sad or hurt them. I am avoiding all that just because I want to be happy and to see them happy as well.

My wish is not that big, My task is almost over. I will go away when you're really be contented and happy with yourself ins and outs. With or without me.

As far as I concerned, the tunnel exit is appear bit by bit each day. The exit door's nearby.
My task is almost over.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Letter to Myself

Hello Shez,

This is me writing for myself. I have been through a lot of things in life.
There's lot of things I wanted in life. To have better life, surrounded by a good friends and families. I have it all. I have good family that always supporting me in everything,I have good friends who always been there for me. I am really not a type that easy to satisfy, there's still lot of room for improvement.

Lately, I am bother with the presence of someone, someone that I barely known. Someone that I don't give a damn before. Suddenly appears in my life and giving me feeling of I am in mess and restless.

Sigh~ this is me; writing my blog using my manager's pc in MarcusEvans Kuala Lumpur.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Note for 30th October 2010

No notes for today~ Im on my holiday~

The act of kindness~

The act of kindness. The act to help the others to make their life happier. Nothing more that that.
Just one person try to make the life of another person's better but life can be so tricky when you trapped yourself between your kindness and your feeling.

This is a real life case study.

I really hated to see people sad, unhappy with the recent event due to breaking up, broken hearted and discomfort of feeling. I really hate that. Wise man said, sometimes, it take only one people to make things better. I try to prove the word by doing it.
It works. Surprises and surprises coming at her door. She's getting happier each days~
The intention was from friend to another friend.

I rephrase it again; Life can be so tricky and its getting harder when you already trapped between the kindness and feeling inside.
I don't like this but at the same time; I love the fact that i like her~hehehe~

Monday, October 25, 2010

Note for 25th October 2010

1) Let people say, they don't know the truth

2) Be calm when look for lift's button

3) Nasi lemak in NZ damn suck

4) Let me remind me again, don't play dart with money

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Note for 24th October 2010

1) Never drive fast in federal highway. It's dangerous.

2) Lady beside you will puke if you play drive fast games with others

3) Share a drink with someone who had flu will make u have the same sickness

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Note for 23rd October 2010

1) Barbican Strawberry, mehdy chicken, chicken kebab are superbs

2) Thank god there's 4square. I don't want to bump with storyteller

3) Friend will always be there when needed

4)Ipoh white coffee's suck~

Friday, October 22, 2010

Note for 22nd October 2010

1) Never trust rumor, it will give you headache

2) Someone i like suddenly disappear

3) Don't go out in rainy day. It will make your cloth go wet

4) Oldies songs will make u sad

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Some People

Life can be like roller coster though~ sometimes you will have a easy life today and shit next day, gloomy the next day and happy the next 2 days.

No one can predict life. No one has been so far.
Life as the sales person is never easy. Having a fast pace life, kpi's based is suck. Having only two things in mind~to close contract and get paid. I never think that I will end up doing sales~Well this is not what I expected to do in life but so far, I am satisfy with the piece of work I have done.

Get stress everyday, get sick of not having enough sleep, restless mind, dying soul. Your life is tie with your job. I found my 2nd family here and my work as my 2nd home for me. I spent at least 9-10 hours per day in the office. I see the same faces everyday. A lovely peoples. Lovely yet ruthless.

The sound of bell ring is the sweetest thing in here. The more it ring, the prosperity you will be. We claps, we chants, we cheer for each other. We face a rivalry inside and outside. We always compete but yet in harmony. Some people talk so loud until you can hear it from miles, some people whisper until you can't hear it right. Some people talks slowly until you feel tired to listen and some people talks so fast until you can't catch up.

Some people can easily get mad and fight with the operators, some people ask politely but still can't get through. Some people use the intelligent to get through and some people bluff too. Some people be frank and some keep it inside.

Some people put a fish, even a tortoise as a gong for themselves. Some people write inspiring words, some people keep it plain. Some people prefer the desk messy and some people keep it neat.

Some people talking and laugh, some people faking it. Some people be serious on phone and some people be friendly. Some people slam the phone and some people end the conversation nicely. Some people be dodgy, some be straight, some be ruthless and some be good guy.

Having these kind of peoples inside one room creating a fun+ enjoyable atmosphere. It will never get boring and getting excited everyday

these "some peoples" is the key of who I am right now.
Thanks for it.

Note for 21st October 2010

1) Playing dart can bring lots of money

2) Trust the event, it will pay you back. Have some faith

3) Peri Starter is too much for a starter~

4) Hippo & Cow is totally different animal

Note for 20th October 2010

1) Think outside the box (Thanks arvind)

2) A simple act can make a lot of differences. Glad you're happy with "that"

3) Don't mess with lady with the swing mood. She will scold you

4) Try to generating and think positive.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Note for 19th October 2010

1) Never use the road that show one way street sign

2) NZX is a dodgy place

3) Just act cool if someone uninvited come and chill with you

4) Need to wash my car. Now more look a like garbage truck~

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I'm an Idiot

Talking about to love someone, talking about taking someone's life into your life, someone's heart into yours. Maybe word make it look easy but it never easy itself.

To justify, to adjust, to synchronize the life, on how it can be perfectly mesh together. It never been easy.
2 different people, 2 separated lives will be altered to be one. Expect the argument, disagreement but the feeling ; lovely.

Love is really a crazy thing. Never fail to make an idiot out of us especially myself. To fall under idiot case in this category is something that i really looking forward to.

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. That the words that am holding until now, the one that been taught by my father and a father before him.


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

life is better with happiness.

I guess, it's been a while i am not writing anything on my blog.
I am too busy with my life, restructure- reconstruct and reboot everything. I am too busy to find myself, to catch back the glimpse of my own shadow, to pickup everything i left, to complete my missing puzzle.

So far, i have my job, not really the perfect one but enough to make everyone happy. I have my circle of friends, good surrounding and excellent environment. I am happy, at least enough to "whoosh" away my sadness and worries.

So many things i've learn. New faces, mentalities, perspectives and stories. Stories of lives. Each of everyone i've met, the stories that enough to motivated me that my life is not so bad after all. Enough to remind me to be thanked to god.

I'd still have my family that supported me. Everything that happened before, opened my eyes into the new dimension on who i am, what am i, and why i am here. I became more wiser to think, to speak. I can see thing more clearer than before.

I've learned that life ; on how the important of knowing your boundaries, knowing your limit, knowing you friends. Each of these will lead you to a different path of lives. Once before i always chose my wrong. I don't want to repeat the same mistake; ever again.

God is great, praise to god's above.

For the past 1 year, i have learned so many new things in life. It make me think that in life, sometimes we have to take time off to see life's better. We have to be in the middle. Be hard on yourself just will bring harm to life and be to lay back it just make our life miserable. Be in the middle. Be balance. Don't move around the world but let world move around you. Let things surround you.

Each of every people i've known has changed. Time flies. I am glad that almost everyone is making a good progress in life, making a good fortune for themselves. It's always a good feeling to see everyone is moving forward. I love each of everyone of them.

And what about myself?
I pursuit everything that lead to my happiness. I've make a good fortune myself and not bad after all. But money is not the priority in life, happiness is matter for me. Until now, i still in run; looking for my happiness, i am looking for the one in life. The one who holding the key. The one that can unlocked and cast the despair.

I wish sometimes life can be that easy. You can undo, redo, copy and paste; even to close and quit and restart all over again.
But god work in the mystery way. No man knows. No one knows and will never know.

Enough to tell you that i am happy.
I am happy.

How about you?

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Letting all of you go is the hardest part - part 2

seriously this time around, i've been trying hard to pick up all the things i left behind and suddenly yesterday i realized, i've been missing from their life was about almost a year.
I look around and see how things shifted. All of sudden, i feel really sad.

All my lovely persons who i cherish the most, nora, fatin, reef, alya, alyn, qila almost on top of the phase of their mid-teen life. Having a career in sight, a priority to spread wings, be more edgy on education, more abroad. Makes me feel, how fast the time flies.

A mix feeling lingered. All of them are my proud peoples. I really proud when it show, every each of them growing fast and develop into a blooming butterflies. Learnt a lot, able to speak of each mind, giving perception, opinions.

My role has finished as lecturer. I almost to see the end-result for my work. How i mold them to be them not me. My unexpectedly found happiness.

Next 5 to 6 years maybe im not only the proud lecturer, but as a proud brother, a proud uncle.
but still, letting them go is the hardest part.

life is life, i have mine and so theirs. I have no right to stop them from growing.

I wish you all the best in everything u do, u will do.
I remembered once, a man say to me regards this.

"yesterday was history, tomorrow is a future, but today is gift. That's why we called it Present"

i'll cherish every moment with them, even-though i know, deep inside, someday, somehow, i have to let them go..

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Youhuuuu.Knock Knock

Its always been funny when you're looking back what you have done to your life. Especially when you're in relationship before and your girlfriend always said to you that you're the only one and he's just a friend. And the best part is you always believed it. Why? When i looked it back on the recent event, on how i made myself look like a stupid person who has no brain and can't think properly, it never failed to make me smiles.

It's because it shows how stupid you are, it shows how love can make you blinded and it really shows that something is wrong. And it proven right but when i look closely in detail of every aspect, it really shown the true color of the relationship itself. A combined color of two people who think they're in love.

He's just a friend, he's just a friend. A lame excuse that has been used since how long i don't know. But as for me, it is really worth a while for me after all this time i fought for my stand. Finally i am right. Finally i can be bold of my fight and move on with the head high. You're the loser not me. All the accusation has turned right and it made me satisfied and happy for the way i am , for the decision i has made and for all the fight i have been through.

I laughed , jump of joy and feel free because justice has been done and i am not the culprit. Both has found the match and it was so perfect, like a rainbow after the rain. A perfect picture for a so unperfect but yet certainly in love.

As for myself, i will be myself, proud to be who i am now, even-though i am not the best person, I'm a bastard, a fucker oneself, and the best part, i dated a bitch. No string attach and it was so pleasant and a warm nice feeling.

Despite they think they can laugh at me but in fact, I'm the one who laugh. A dispute already settle, i was about to fly high and god still love me. -Amin

To the person it may concern, mybe you thing this is for you but yet it not. but it prove that it's yourself i addresses to. Because only you know yourself and that's why this is a freaking mad entry.

hahaha, let me take a last laugh and i do it for you.
Best part in my life, has been so far. I Date A B.I.T.C.H

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

To the peoples i love: 174

I don't know how to express my sorry to all of you. I was really regret on what has happen on recent event. I know it tough for you girls to give in the forgiveness and you do what's best for you. I was never mad at you girls of anything that you have done, think or even will do when i write this entry.

The fact is i do missed you girls. I know many things has happened and i know that i can control the situation but i didn't. I was too blind to see and too dumb to think, i was in cloud nine and everything was right on her for me but the real situation is i was been fool, make fool of myself and everyone. I realized it but i didn't do anything. That's make me sad.

I do misses you girls, i do think about you girls but sometimes, i tend to do it secretly in order to love her that certainly she never love me. Many things happen on the recent events that i need to tell but i can't. I was ashamed of myself and to all of you. I throw you girls out instantly and now i realize, the biggest mistake i have made is not by going out from her life, but going out from your life.

so right now, i will not expect for me to be forgiven but somehow, i was hoping, i was never there, never exist in you girls' life. So i won't feel guilty and shame like this.

out of word, the only words i can think and coming straight from my heart;

Im sorry.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Note to Heaven: Mashy

Hey there. I know there's no way in this world you can hear or read what i was about to write for u. How are you there? hopefully you is doing fine. I know you will always smiling no matter what's happen. I know you very well. I know you better.

Just want to let you know that im not happy with everything happen to me. Since you left me, i thought all the love you give is totally enough for me to go on strong but i was wrong dear.

From the day you went away until today, my heart is barely heal, i was injured inside, always be the one who picking up the broken heart. I want you to know that i really missed you, i do. Every single day, i was hoping you will coming back. i want to relived our childhood days and i want to be with you

i miss you so much. i know you wont coming back

takecare mashy

Sunday, April 4, 2010

to H: i feel..

It feels like yesterday the last time i held your hand, it feels like it just a minute ago, i smell the scent of your hair, it feel like just now you're in my arm, i warp around you but i feel like forever when you've decide to walk away and leave me. It takes forever for me to mend my broken heart. People come, people go, but u remain in my heart; still.

It feel like it was an hour ago we talked on the phone, laughed and gently speak. Those sweet words lingering and i feel like only a moment ago u kissed me and say i love you but now, it takes forever to live and regret.

It feel like 2 days ago you smiled and winked at me, it feel like 5 minutes ago you say i miss you but now, it takes me forever long to hear it once more but it just took me a while and i realized, i dated a bitch

That's why you go H, the way i know.

Baby want you tell me why there is sadness in your eyes
I don't wanna say goodbye to you
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
But there is something left in my head

You're the one who set it up
Now you're the one to make it stop
I'm the one who's feeling lost right now
Now you want me to forget every little thing you said
But there is something left in my head

I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feelings so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know

You were never satisfied no matter how I tried
Now you wanna say goodbye to me
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
But there is something left in my head

Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There is so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you
There ain't so much for me anymore

How to mend the broken heart?

Heartbreak is a very strange distress. It is exquisitely painful, and yet we cannot find an injury on our body. It is like one big emotional pain but it also seems to spark off hundreds of other emotions. We hate the feeling of heartbreak, and yet we find ourselves compelled to go over and over memories, ideas or fantasies which make the feeling worse. What is going on?

I can remember a relationship that ended after two years. Emotionally it fizzled out, so neither I nor my ex felt heartbroken. However, directly afterwards I had another relationship that lasted only four months but completely wrecked me because I had believed I would be with that girl forever. She used to talk about marriage, and at the time she probably meant it. I created a future

in my imagination where we were a happy couple with a passionate romance and an exciting social life. I thought about what our kids might look like. All this thinking and fantasizing built up a strong network of neural pathways in my brain. As far as my nervous system was concerned, I was already married to her. When I found out she was two-timing me, in an instant my dreams and ideas seemed ridiculous. Added to all my lovely future fantasies was a huge negative feeling: Cancelled. The meaning of the pictures in my head flipped. All I could see was her in bed with another guy and think what a fool I had been. As I lay awake going over and over why this had happened, I was reinforcing how sad I felt and what a loser I must be. I felt terrible, and then even worse because I didn't know if the feeling would ever end.

One day I said to myself, “This is ridiculous! I've got to stop!” But the thoughts wouldn't stop. I didn't want to think about her, but I couldn't help it. I realized that I wasn't in charge of my own brain. I was powerless while it buzzed away. This was one of the experiences that led me eventually into writing this book. I wanted to get my mind on my side, instead of having it keep me awake at night.

When an important love relationship ends, a range of different responses is triggered. We feel loss and pain. Our normal ways of thinking about the world are disrupted. Our balance is upset, and our feelings change from one minute to the next. We pine for our ex-lover, then we are overwhelmed with anger at them. One minute we are desperate to see them, the next we can't bear to have anyone mention their name. This volatility and confusion add to the misery.

Heartbreak is caused by the end of a relationship. It can also be caused when we fail to get a relationship we fervently desire. It can even happen slowly when we realize that we are in a relationship from which all the love has gone. However it happens, after the shock, it takes some time for reality to sink in. Then we experience a welter of feelings. We can be angry, sad, devastated, despairing, distraught, desperate, remorseful, regretful, ashamed, embarrassed. The emotional bombardment is overwhelming.

In the long term, we have a natural way of dealing with these feelings. We have an emotional mechanism that allows us to recover from losses and from pain. If we didn't have it, the whole world would be in mourning forever! Bereavement, parting and suffering are unavoidable parts of our life experience. The natural way we recover is by grieving.

How grief heals

Grieving is a specific process by which we gradually let go of our attachment to the people (or places or things or even possibilities) we have lost. Of course, in the first shock of heartbreak it is not much comfort to be told that things will improve in time. We might not be ready for our feelings to improve-part of us might not even have accepted what has happened yet. And even once we do accept it, it is possible to misunderstand grief. Grief happens one bit at a time. You feel bad for a while and then it stops. You feel fine, then you feel sad again, then the sadness stops. It is important to know that grief works like this, so that we are not frightened that it will carry on forever. It won't. It will stop. But while it does happen, it is important to our recovery.

You see, we experience only as much sadness as is necessary for our feelings to adjust as far as they can at any one time, then the feeling stops. When we have become used to that amount of change and loss, the unconscious lets us feel a bit more, and so on, until we have fully absorbed the whole significance of the loss. By the same token, when grief does stop, there is no need to feel guilty that we didn't care enough. Some people have told me they feel guilty about feeling all right so soon after a loss, and I have to tell them not to worry, and reassure them that they are simply being well looked after by their unconscious mind.

This process of grief can be divided into four stages. The first, denial, is where we try to reject what has happened. In the second, we accept it, but still feel angry about it. In the third stage we acknowledge our sadness, and when we reach the fourth we have accepted our loss and are able to look back and enjoy the happy memories we have.

The trouble with heartbreak, however, is that the natural process of grief does not always work properly. People can get stuck, repeating the same painful feelings over and over again. I first understood why this happened when I was working with a woman whose second husband had left her for a younger woman. Her first husband had died. As we worked together she told me, in a hesitant and ashamed tone of voice, that it had been easier to recover from being widowed than it was to recover from being left. When her first husband died her world was changed forever, but his love for her, and hers for him, was not questioned. It was an extremely painful loss, but an absolute one.

When her second husband left, it called into question the love they had had together, and the fact that he was still living in the same town made it all the more difficult for her to forget him and move on. It is these sorts of questions about the past and the future that can make heartbreak so painful and complicated.

None of us can avoid feeling some pain and sadness at the end of a relationship we cared about-as we will see, a certain amount is even necessary. But this book is dedicated to helping you avoid the unnecessary repetition of pain and distress. It helps you change the way you think and feel about the past and the future by working with your fundamental systems of thought and feeling. Better still, as you make these changes and understand them, you prepare yourself for a richer and stronger relationship in the future.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

My extended family : ME4,ME6,ME8 etc

My Extended Family.

How long must i run?

It has been too long since last i wrote a real entry for myself.

I try to find the strength and guts inside me to write this time. There's a hole, a big one inside me that i cannot filled with anything. I was pretended after all this while that i am ok with everything that happen around me. I miss everything that i ever did before. I try to walk away and not to think of it but i can't. No matter how i try, it will be back and haunted me. Guess the hole was really big.

Everyday, i've been searching for something that can make me happy but i totally wrong. The more i search for it, it will brush me off. I need you, i really do but you don't need me. So what can i do?

The best solution is keep running.

Running till i dried.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Look What Have You Done

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Rah Rah ma ma ma roma roma gaga olalala

Last sunday, i went to Redbox signature Pavilion Kl with 2 delicates angel, a friends of mine, Mardya & Shahirah.. Been tricked by them easily laa..instead of movies, they changed it to karaoke..damn! easily sucked!