This past 8 years, I am hurting myself, crying inside knowing that you will not coming back to me.
I built up my defenses yet someone will come and break it. Faces by faces each time.
I just want to know that I'd appreciated what you have done to me, Your words always be my courage. Your words always remind me of who I am and what should I be.
Thank you for that.
I'd remember you said that go for my happiness while I can. I try to reach my happiness, pursuit for my happiness but I don't know where to start. Where to begin?
I don't want to get hurt anymore.
But recently, I gladly to tell you that I've seen some light. A hope. A hope for me to be happy and also the possibility for me to get hurt again.
Actually there's someone here that I open my heart to but there's also a problem because I don't know what's our mutual feeling on this.
She's actually a nice girl. Decent in a look. Talkative. Courtesy for me. She's my source of happiness.
I hate to admit it but I've fall for her. I hate the fact that I like her. Despite of short lives of knowing her, my feeling grew really fast. She's fairer, beautiful, sensitive I guess.
I don't know what has gotten into me but at first It was started as the act of kindness. My heart told me to please her, make her happy and I did promise to myself to make her happy. I love to see her happy. I want to make her happy for the rest of her life. She's the source.
She always feeling sad, unhappy and cries a lot in the office. It worries me the most. I don't want her to cry but I have no leverage to control it. I can't control on what I can't control.
She's the one makes me feel lively everyday since I knew she will always be there in the office. Despite of not having enough quality conversations, outings with her, but I am picking up really well when it comes to her.
I want her to be happy.
I just want to tell you that I am okay now. I can accept the fact that you're now really far from me, really far from your family.
Trust me, my broken heart will healed, the scar will faded. If not because of you, I will not be like the way I am now. Thanks for the memories. I hope someday, somewhere we will meet again.
I will always pray for your happiness beside your maker and I am saying goodbye to you.
Thanks Mashitah. May your soul will always in best condition.
Rest in peace.
Mashitah Daneesya Khalid
1984-2003.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Reminder to Shez~
When you love a girl, sometimes it is best just to tell her, even if you are not sure if the feeling is mutual.
Know that even if she doesn't love you, it is a relief to get this off your chest.
Don't make a big production of it. Just give it to her straight. Acting like a drama king/queen could make her reject you. Don't get angry with her if she says no.
Remember, loving someone is not something people plan or do on purpose. Strong feelings like love arise from emotional stimulation, not choice and go easy on her, since telling her that you love her might be a bit overwhelming for her, and she may need a minute or two to think about it.
Wait for the right moment. Don't tell her you love her when either one of you is amongst friends. Wait until you are alone. But when you are, don't wait to tell her. Respect her reaction. If she doesn't love you back, your life isn't over; it may hurt, but that's how she feels.
Make sure that you are sure you are ready for the emotional roller coaster of love. There are highs and there are lows; if you are just thinking of saying it to get laid, DON'T. If you really love someone, you will respect them, care for them, and be there for the good and the bad. Are you ready for that?
and
"I love you" is a statement, not a question. don't expect an answer, because it doesn't exist.
Know that even if she doesn't love you, it is a relief to get this off your chest.
Don't make a big production of it. Just give it to her straight. Acting like a drama king/queen could make her reject you. Don't get angry with her if she says no.
Remember, loving someone is not something people plan or do on purpose. Strong feelings like love arise from emotional stimulation, not choice and go easy on her, since telling her that you love her might be a bit overwhelming for her, and she may need a minute or two to think about it.
Wait for the right moment. Don't tell her you love her when either one of you is amongst friends. Wait until you are alone. But when you are, don't wait to tell her. Respect her reaction. If she doesn't love you back, your life isn't over; it may hurt, but that's how she feels.
Make sure that you are sure you are ready for the emotional roller coaster of love. There are highs and there are lows; if you are just thinking of saying it to get laid, DON'T. If you really love someone, you will respect them, care for them, and be there for the good and the bad. Are you ready for that?
and
"I love you" is a statement, not a question. don't expect an answer, because it doesn't exist.
Saying I Love You~
The human race is one that is filled with cement walls in place to avoid vulnerabilities. We are all so busy trying not to get hurt that we often hurt each other first, even by simple omission or accidental intention. We often are so concerned with protecting ourselves from rejection, pain, and fearful situations, that we talk ourselves out of one of the simplest, most intense, and blindly instinctual urges. We are ridiculously quick to talk ourselves out of the importance of saying, “I love you.”
Love, regardless of whether, is risky business. When we love and allow our emotions to not only be known or expressed we risk one of three things; rejection, loss, and having to accept love back. So many of us are wandering around with such deep wounds that the act of accepting love in return is just as scary as rejection.
Wouldn’t it be incredible if we as a human race could drop our defenses for just one day, and be completely expressive without fear? We would have the capacity to just tell people the honest meaning they carry in our lives, the effect they have on us, and the course we would like to see the relationship grow even when we are already in the relationship. Omission of expression is nearly the same thing as taking one for granted. Nobody dies with the regret of telling someone too often how much they cared, but people die everyday with their hearts still wounded from a love they never truly expressed.
It is easy to get wrapped up in our own wounds, our own feelings of ambivalence and our fears of feeling alone in the world. After all, a love that remains unexpressed is a love that nobody knows about. It is not until someone finds the courage to share their feelings that they are then blessed with the knowledge that they, too, are worthy of the love they are giving.
Woman in our life that we truly love need daily reminders of the fact that she is loveable. After all, the world can leave such horrific dents on our outer layers, and we can easily get caught in living within those layers. It’s cold out there. It’s painful out there. People are rude out there and often even a stranger can sting us with our own vulnerable fears and hang ups. What keeps us going in times of self doubt, fear, pain, and anguish is not just the hope of love, but the knowledge of love.
There is truly no underestimating the importance of saying, “I love you.” Those three little words are one half of the most important sentence in the world, “I love you, accept you, and how can I help you.” The term love implies both acceptance and the willingness to place someone’s needs ahead of our own. The term love implies more than a simple selfish passing moment, but a deep understanding of who someone is, and the knowledge that they are good enough without their perfections we are so often seeking. Without love and acceptance, what really do we have from each other?
Money, power, prestige, and fame can never buy the same feeling that your heart gets the first time the love of your life confesses their feelings. That wonderful little flutter in the tummy is irreplaceable, and who would want to replace it? It lets you know you’re alive.
While there is no valid argument to deter the notion that to love someone is to risk losing someone, there is a valid argument against using that as an excuse. It is easy to hide, but not very fulfilling. Loving openly and honestly and taking the risk that someone precious and dear to us might not be in our lives one day is part of the risk of daring to live fully. A heart that hasn’t broken can’t grow. A heart that hasn’t loved grows cold. And a heart that lives in fear shrinks with time.
Loving someone, and telling them often, is a gift. And not just to the recipient of your love, but to yourself as well. When you truly love someone and find the courage to express it well and express it often, you are giving more of a gift to yourself than anyone. You are claiming your will and right to live fully and completely and to bask in life’s joys just as quickly as you are able and willing to hurt from life’s pain. Why live the one sided coin lifestyle. You’re destined to feel pain no matter how hard you try to close off your heart. As humans, we are simply not designed that way. We are social creatures, put on this planet to nurture each other. Living alone without recognized love is just as painful, if not more so, than living with love and losing it.
Never underestimate the importance of saying, “I love you.” With a deep breath and a leap of faith, close your eyes, whisper the words and you can be sure when you open them again your life will have changed for the better.
Love, regardless of whether, is risky business. When we love and allow our emotions to not only be known or expressed we risk one of three things; rejection, loss, and having to accept love back. So many of us are wandering around with such deep wounds that the act of accepting love in return is just as scary as rejection.
Wouldn’t it be incredible if we as a human race could drop our defenses for just one day, and be completely expressive without fear? We would have the capacity to just tell people the honest meaning they carry in our lives, the effect they have on us, and the course we would like to see the relationship grow even when we are already in the relationship. Omission of expression is nearly the same thing as taking one for granted. Nobody dies with the regret of telling someone too often how much they cared, but people die everyday with their hearts still wounded from a love they never truly expressed.
It is easy to get wrapped up in our own wounds, our own feelings of ambivalence and our fears of feeling alone in the world. After all, a love that remains unexpressed is a love that nobody knows about. It is not until someone finds the courage to share their feelings that they are then blessed with the knowledge that they, too, are worthy of the love they are giving.
Woman in our life that we truly love need daily reminders of the fact that she is loveable. After all, the world can leave such horrific dents on our outer layers, and we can easily get caught in living within those layers. It’s cold out there. It’s painful out there. People are rude out there and often even a stranger can sting us with our own vulnerable fears and hang ups. What keeps us going in times of self doubt, fear, pain, and anguish is not just the hope of love, but the knowledge of love.
There is truly no underestimating the importance of saying, “I love you.” Those three little words are one half of the most important sentence in the world, “I love you, accept you, and how can I help you.” The term love implies both acceptance and the willingness to place someone’s needs ahead of our own. The term love implies more than a simple selfish passing moment, but a deep understanding of who someone is, and the knowledge that they are good enough without their perfections we are so often seeking. Without love and acceptance, what really do we have from each other?
Money, power, prestige, and fame can never buy the same feeling that your heart gets the first time the love of your life confesses their feelings. That wonderful little flutter in the tummy is irreplaceable, and who would want to replace it? It lets you know you’re alive.
While there is no valid argument to deter the notion that to love someone is to risk losing someone, there is a valid argument against using that as an excuse. It is easy to hide, but not very fulfilling. Loving openly and honestly and taking the risk that someone precious and dear to us might not be in our lives one day is part of the risk of daring to live fully. A heart that hasn’t broken can’t grow. A heart that hasn’t loved grows cold. And a heart that lives in fear shrinks with time.
Loving someone, and telling them often, is a gift. And not just to the recipient of your love, but to yourself as well. When you truly love someone and find the courage to express it well and express it often, you are giving more of a gift to yourself than anyone. You are claiming your will and right to live fully and completely and to bask in life’s joys just as quickly as you are able and willing to hurt from life’s pain. Why live the one sided coin lifestyle. You’re destined to feel pain no matter how hard you try to close off your heart. As humans, we are simply not designed that way. We are social creatures, put on this planet to nurture each other. Living alone without recognized love is just as painful, if not more so, than living with love and losing it.
Never underestimate the importance of saying, “I love you.” With a deep breath and a leap of faith, close your eyes, whisper the words and you can be sure when you open them again your life will have changed for the better.
Monday, November 15, 2010
When Woman say this, Man say that~
When woman say this :
"Whatever u give a woman,she's going to multiply..If u give her sperm,she'll give u a baby..If u give her house,she'll give u a home..If u give her groceries,she'll give u a meal..If u give her a smile,she'll give u her heart..She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her..So,if u give her any crap,u'll receive a ton of shit!!!"
Man will say this:
"whatever woman give to man, we will always enlarge it. If you give man smile, he will always treasure it. If you give man food, they will always remember you as the shelter, if you give him home, he will make to be heaven, if you give man your heart, he will give you life. If you give man a love, he will build his world around you. If you give man a lie, he will roll out and die"
"Whatever u give a woman,she's going to multiply..If u give her sperm,she'll give u a baby..If u give her house,she'll give u a home..If u give her groceries,she'll give u a meal..If u give her a smile,she'll give u her heart..She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her..So,if u give her any crap,u'll receive a ton of shit!!!"
Man will say this:
"whatever woman give to man, we will always enlarge it. If you give man smile, he will always treasure it. If you give man food, they will always remember you as the shelter, if you give him home, he will make to be heaven, if you give man your heart, he will give you life. If you give man a love, he will build his world around you. If you give man a lie, he will roll out and die"
Friday, November 12, 2010
Congratulations~You got 2 finally
Hi There sweetheart,
Hope you're doing well.
Wow, finally you have cracked 2 deals ya? Congratulations for that. See, I told you already, nothing is impossible. Life is full with possibilities. I am really happy for you. At least you have prove to the guy who always underestimate you that you still a money making machine. There's plenty to come near future.
Just go screwed what he said to you, he don't you know you ins & outs after all. Don't bother to take it into your account.
Now you can smile back from your heart. You sincere smiling that I really need to see. Good to hear that.
Today is your weekend. Hope you will have a blast this 2 days, pamper yourself, liberty yourself.
Go for swimming, hot chocolates or something.
My weekend's almost up. Tomorrow is working day. Another week in MarcusEvans.
You take a good care of yourself there. Be happy, sincere to yourself, to your heart and you shall be rewarded.
Have a nice weekend sweetheart.
Bye
Hope you're doing well.
Wow, finally you have cracked 2 deals ya? Congratulations for that. See, I told you already, nothing is impossible. Life is full with possibilities. I am really happy for you. At least you have prove to the guy who always underestimate you that you still a money making machine. There's plenty to come near future.
Just go screwed what he said to you, he don't you know you ins & outs after all. Don't bother to take it into your account.
Now you can smile back from your heart. You sincere smiling that I really need to see. Good to hear that.
Today is your weekend. Hope you will have a blast this 2 days, pamper yourself, liberty yourself.
Go for swimming, hot chocolates or something.
My weekend's almost up. Tomorrow is working day. Another week in MarcusEvans.
You take a good care of yourself there. Be happy, sincere to yourself, to your heart and you shall be rewarded.
Have a nice weekend sweetheart.
Bye
Sad, Please Go Away~
Hello there. I hope you still there.
What is sad? Sad is when you're experiences the unfortunate event, unhappiness, showing sorrow or deplorable.
At this time, yes I am sad. I am sad with everything that has occur in my life.
I don't understand why the need for being sad? but it has happened to me.
Maybe I am thinking too much about everything. It feels like I am carry the world on my shoulder. Every single things i take into my account. This is not what I am looking for in life; to be sad. This is the last on my list.
But I can't afford not to be sad. Yes of course. How would it be if I push away my sadness and move on like nothing happen? I will be human-less, heartless. I am human being. I am absorb everything I see, I hear or I feel.
I have feeling. I have emotion.
I always succeeded making people around me happy, but the fact is, I am not. I keep hurting myself again and again. I have promised to be happy and treat myself in a good way.
All I want is to be happy.
I know no one gives a shit when you're sad. No one does. They tend to be closer only when you're happy, cheerful but when you're sad, How many people will come to you and calm you down with their wisdom tales, words etc?
Maybe there is people who care but how many of them?
After all this while, I am sheltering myself from being sad or hurt, or even making people sad or hurt them. I am avoiding all that just because I want to be happy and to see them happy as well.
My wish is not that big, My task is almost over. I will go away when you're really be contented and happy with yourself ins and outs. With or without me.
As far as I concerned, the tunnel exit is appear bit by bit each day. The exit door's nearby.
My task is almost over.
What is sad? Sad is when you're experiences the unfortunate event, unhappiness, showing sorrow or deplorable.
At this time, yes I am sad. I am sad with everything that has occur in my life.
I don't understand why the need for being sad? but it has happened to me.
Maybe I am thinking too much about everything. It feels like I am carry the world on my shoulder. Every single things i take into my account. This is not what I am looking for in life; to be sad. This is the last on my list.
But I can't afford not to be sad. Yes of course. How would it be if I push away my sadness and move on like nothing happen? I will be human-less, heartless. I am human being. I am absorb everything I see, I hear or I feel.
I have feeling. I have emotion.
I always succeeded making people around me happy, but the fact is, I am not. I keep hurting myself again and again. I have promised to be happy and treat myself in a good way.
All I want is to be happy.
I know no one gives a shit when you're sad. No one does. They tend to be closer only when you're happy, cheerful but when you're sad, How many people will come to you and calm you down with their wisdom tales, words etc?
Maybe there is people who care but how many of them?
After all this while, I am sheltering myself from being sad or hurt, or even making people sad or hurt them. I am avoiding all that just because I want to be happy and to see them happy as well.
My wish is not that big, My task is almost over. I will go away when you're really be contented and happy with yourself ins and outs. With or without me.
As far as I concerned, the tunnel exit is appear bit by bit each day. The exit door's nearby.
My task is almost over.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Letter to Myself
Hello Shez,
This is me writing for myself. I have been through a lot of things in life.
There's lot of things I wanted in life. To have better life, surrounded by a good friends and families. I have it all. I have good family that always supporting me in everything,I have good friends who always been there for me. I am really not a type that easy to satisfy, there's still lot of room for improvement.
Lately, I am bother with the presence of someone, someone that I barely known. Someone that I don't give a damn before. Suddenly appears in my life and giving me feeling of I am in mess and restless.
Sigh~ this is me; writing my blog using my manager's pc in MarcusEvans Kuala Lumpur.
This is me writing for myself. I have been through a lot of things in life.
There's lot of things I wanted in life. To have better life, surrounded by a good friends and families. I have it all. I have good family that always supporting me in everything,I have good friends who always been there for me. I am really not a type that easy to satisfy, there's still lot of room for improvement.
Lately, I am bother with the presence of someone, someone that I barely known. Someone that I don't give a damn before. Suddenly appears in my life and giving me feeling of I am in mess and restless.
Sigh~ this is me; writing my blog using my manager's pc in MarcusEvans Kuala Lumpur.
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