confession of a broken heart

Hello, this is me again writing down my confessions.

Am write down my feeling on what i've feel lately. Seriously sometimes, i don't even recognised myself, i didn't fed my soul, my feelings, my needs, and my wants very well. I tend to get confuse easily nowdays. Sigh! i just dont understand what has gotten in me now. I am messed up, disorganised, and full with hangover.

Everytime i woke up in the morning, its feels like i've got nothing, nothing important for me to cheer up my day, walking laid, lagging in every sense of myself. The only thing that cheer me up because i'd still got my family and sargents around me.

I have nothing methaporaly, my life not as good as before, an imaginary salary and lifestyle that's getting fade each day. Love one? ah another story, yawing!, to bored to tell, nothing special except for i liking someone but am too afraid to tell, to weak to show and to proud to say it. Cut it short, i don't have any gut or courages anymore. I left drained.

Every single day, am grinning myself in the mirror, a fake smiles, pretend like i am the happiest man throughtout 25 billions human being in the world. Always keep saying to myself
" am good, am great, am happy today" but the fact, am nothing.

But the good things of being nothing is i have nothing to worry to, i have no alibi, no liability, i am hakunamatata, everyday is a fake-wonderful day. Sad and phatetic isnt it?

Talk about am liking someone, yes, currently am adoring someone that i really dont know whether she will adore me back, am trying hard to let go my past, my memories, am trying to let go the burden am holding for a years, a presence of absenity of someone's shadow. Am chasing a familiar shadow begs for 5 seconds to say the thing i should say long long time ago. A hold word for someone who in love, a lulaby, a songbirds, a nice fine tune of melody, ahhh... but its too late, logically, there is no way i can say it even in my dreams,

Dream are fake, a fake hapiness, a temporary light that eased the sadness but when i woke up, thel ight began to shattered, break into dusts, dissappear onto thin air. Poor, a happiness i asked whn i closed, but a long term sadness when it opens.

But life must go on, no matter how hard the life is, i choose to be in this way, i choose the path of being broken heart, i shoudn't complaints. But now, came along the new shadow, a presence of someone that i think should just enough for me to get rid all the burden, the guilty feeling. For a some reason, i seem there is a chnce to throw all the memories away, far far away to the center of the world, vacummed by the hole and dissappear forever, then came a light, a slyhp of an angel that will lead me to this fantasy of for-how-long-this-happiness-will-stay-island.

I dont ask much, only a glimps of love, a smiles of someone that i will bring it into my life, into my sleeps that finally can make me feels home, a shelter whn im in needed, someone that stay with me through thick and thin, while rainning ran dry, she will be there, to put my feet back on the ground, someone can motivate me to be far more better thn yesterday, someone that shout while there is no longer wills inside, someone that can push me while am at the virtue of giving up, it sound too much, but all of these happen to be in just one simple glimps of love.

I am asking myself again, why should i falling in love if the love am looking for wasnt there for too long? why falling if am not too sure whether the love i have found can fit the gap perfectly. I answered to myself that all of this, are something that i, she, we can amend, something adjustable, looking for perfect love only will lead me to not-so perfect love. Love's not something perfect, love are imperfect but we are the one who manage to create the perfection out of love.

If we looking for something that share the common, thn love will be there not for long, love is whn someone who lived and led of 2 differences, that nothing in common we share except for both of us are looking to fall in love. Love is where 2 different peoples make a sacrifice of each other wills, egoistic, and perception to become one,after all the adjustment, the amendment, we finally can see each other as one, every random act will reflect and deflect in each other lives, we able to sees, feels, and think as one.

If u ask me whether i look for a perfect love? i would say, am not looking for a perfect love nor imperfect but what i've been serching after all these years is a life. I want to share my life and taking a bit of her and bring into mine and vise versa. That is love to me.

If you feel and think you are the one who able to fed me, i will be waiting for u..

So this is me again, writing down my confession-shez