See you when i see you again (i hope so)

With her i learnt so many things in life, we share joys, lauhgters and smiles. Walk hand in hand, watched the flower blooms, the sun set but that was before. I still can smell her warm sensual perfume lingers around me.

the phone ring, keep ringing awaken me from my beauty sleep. I received one phone call that shocked my life, i quickly ran to the toilet and get ready. I am in rush. 

Clock ticking and it was 2.30 in the morning. I grabbed my green hoody, my car key and slip on my shoes. No time for laid, i must hurry..time are against me. Drove my car as fast as i can, i pushing my car to the limit. 

While im on my way, my mind flown away.bring back to my happiest days of my life.

1999.

It was the day, for the first time in my life, i have to admitted myself that i already fall in love. "Hey elly, don't you ever deny that u don't love me" she said to me. I laugh myself but inside, i was so shame, i was so happy, am blooming like a black rose waiting to be cut and reveal. Still i keep laughing and pray that she won't ask me again. but she did asked me again but this time in the serious manner. I look at her sulking face. the face i known since i was born. She pointed her finger, address me to answer her question. 

Oraite, oraite, ok, i do like u, i do, what do you expect? i known for for such a long time and techically we will stuck like glue. Ok ok, yeah " I love you". for the first ever, i spills everything, at this tender age, we used to think that it was a puppy love. A temporary, unsolid and easy to break

"See, i told you..i know you do, hehehe". I still remember her evil cheeky little laugh, i was so shame, i was blushing and afraid at the same time. I am afraid the others will laugh at me, i am a rugby player for the institutional, and of course, my life surrounded by men, a evil from Mars, that's what she said before.

i keep the relationship discreetly from my other friends, I am man, i know how it feels when we saw a man mellowish for a girl and we tend to say bad things bout that. For instance "hey mat jiwang la kau ni" that the words that i cant bare to listen. 

The bell rings, school session ended. "hey, see you at Martin after this yeah." i said to her. We go separate ways. I am heading to ampang while she lived nearby the school area. 

Martin, the tuition center but for us, that wasthe place for us to meet others from other school areas. I and my friends was craving to see girls from BBGS, ST. Mary, Puterijaya. Martin was like a lucky pot. People fall in love, had their crush and acted cool there.

I picked the seat, last row, signing her to seat at the same row with me but on the different section. In here, i learnt the secret sign of hand gesture. How to say i love you, lets go eat together after this, we take the last bus ride home yeah.. it sound silly but we are human, never able to avoid from this sillynesses disease.

While am performing the silly hand gesture signing to her, am unaware that someone was watching me behind. Oh damn...

To Be Cont...

Antara cinta si cincin, si barbie & si rabun

Kenapa msti slalunya sy dalam situasi mcm ni. Situasi yg tak pernah nk menenangkan hati saya. Kenapa sy msti selalunya berperang dengan situasi mcm ni. 

Cerita 1: Si Barbie

Sy semakin tak faham dengan situasi sy dan dia. Kami seperti semakin jauh dan tidak serasi. Setiap perbualan yg melangkaui masa 10 minit selalunya akn disusuli dengan pergaduhan. Gaduh yg tak kn pernah nk berakihir semua hanya benda2 bodo yg datangnya dari sy dan dia. Mungkinkah ada salah dari segi kami berkomunikasi, ataupun dari segi kami membawa diri masing2? sy akui, susah untuk menjalinkn cinta pada jarak jauh kerana cinta jenis ini selalunya akn berpandukan kepada kepercayaan yg utuh dan bukannya komunikasi. Pada awalanya sy berasa sgt gembira kerana kami sentiasa tidak lekang untuk berkomunikasi sesama sendiri melalau internet ,msg dan telefon. Tetapi semua ini tidak kekal bila kepercayaan yg saya bina musnah pada hari valentine. Semuanya hncur dan kami mnjadi renggang dan semakin jauh. kini kami masih lagi mencari keserasian yang tiada definisi had masa dan sy xpasti jika kami akn jumpa dengan keserasian itu.

Cerita 2: Si Cincin

Sy bertemu dgn si cincin melalui kenalan dimana bermula dari meminta lagu seterusnya kami saling jatuh hati (ayat tak boleh belah). Dia dekat dgn sy, tidak seperti si barbie yg jauhnya dipisahkn oleh lautan. Kami sering berjumpa. Tiada masalah diantara kami hanya untuk mempercayai seseorang wanita itu kembali selepas apa yg terjadi dianatara sy dan si barbie adalah sukar.Wlaupun jarak umur antara kami agak jauh tapi tiada masalah dlm pergaulan, komunikasi atau pembawakan diri. masalah timbul apabila dirinya masih lagi mencari cinta sedangkan sy masih bersama dia dan kami masih bersama dan dia masih lagi mencari cinta. Sy semakin bosan dan jadi xpasti samada untuk teruskan ataupun berhenti ditgh jalan.

Cerita 3: Si Rabun

Sy kenali dia memlalui adik sy. Dia seorang yg mempunyai perwatakan yg menarik dan matanya telah membuatkn sy jatuh hati.Bermula dengan satu mesej ringkas, kami menjadi teman sms yg setia. Hati sy berdegup pantas bila sy tidak bertepuk sebelah tgn. Si dia juga menyatakan cintanya kpd sy. Sy gembira. Sy senang dan lapang. Masalah timbul bila si dia mula menyepikan diri tanpa sebarang khabar. Sy jadi sesat. Mungkin disebabkn faktor usia yg masih muda, dan konflik keluarga, dia menjadi tidak pasti dan tak keruan dan sy sebagai yg tua harus faham situasi ini dan mengalah.Terima kasih sbb hadir walaupun seketika, sy gembira

Dan saya. apa yg berlaku pada hari ini? tiada apa2 yg istimewa kerana rasa cinta sy hmpir tertutup walaupun kini sy masih lagi mencari apa yg telah hilang dalam diri sy. Cinta, kegembiraan dan masa depan.

I am chasing time with love. Love me and i will love you too

Have you ever suddenly awake form ur sleep at the middle of the night and u're in emotionally breakdown? This thing is happening to me now. Am clueless when ever come to think of my life.

I try to figure out what is happening to me, why god testing me like this, alway give me a never ending sadness and worries. My life is not like another romantic movies, i don't have any prissy princess to kiss and i am no frog prince waiting to be kiss by the princess. In summary, i had a bad experience throughout my life. Sumtimes i wish how i badly want to be like jessy in never been kissed, i wnted to end up as burke landers in get over it or even as rusty in ocean's series. 

as someone who finally get the chance to meet a true love and a one hell of a good kiss, or i wish if am a flop before but finally someone come to rescue me with the happily life and lots of love or i don't have any luck in love but am happy with my life with the quo and status but ripped all that. That's just fantasy. Added to my wishes, i wanted to be wonderpet, where i don't have anytime to think bout sadness because my life is full with excitement and adventure of saving animals. I love ming ming. 

my emotional and morale is really low right now. My rationality and dignity began to be thick as tissues and it getting thick and thick anytime now.

God, please show me the way so i can be loved and love someone. please give me someone who will loved me truly. because without your guidance, am lost

clock's ticking and i am just a grown up man running out of time

My love for u unconditional love too and you're love for me unconditional i see..

Doesn't really matters, it doesn't matters at all. It doesn't matters what ur frens are telling you, doesn't really matters what my family's saying too. it just matters that i'm in love with u, it only matters that u love me too.

It doesn't matters if they won't accept u, i'm accepting of u and the things u do, just as long as it's u, nobody but u.

My love 4 u, unconditional love too, gotta get up and show u that "doesnt really matters what the eye is seeing, cause i'm in love with the inner being and doesnt matter what they believe, what matters to me is you're in love with me".

You're so kind, just what i asked for, u're so loving and kind and u're mine and i can't believe you're mine (perasan!)

"Doesnt matter if you're feeling insecure, doesnt matter if u're feeling so unsure cause i'll take away the doubt within ur heart and show that my love will never hurt or harm."

Doesnt matter what the pain u go through, doesnt matter if the money gone too, just as long as am with u.

U're love for me, unconditional i see.i cant believe my dreams come true, i've finally found somebody whose heart is true and best of all u love me too (perasan lg!) 

"perasan btul la aku arini"-shez

ILU: To my special someone (jaja)

Dear my special someone,

I just got back from seremban. Here i am eager to write some note for you but i really not sure when u gonna visits my blog again. Hey, i wanna tell u something; The ILU words i've said to you and u replied ILU too was a sacred to me. I never mentioned it to any of my exs since the death of Mashy. She was my 2nd ex that totally opened up my eyes what is true love means. Frankly, entire life, i have only 5 exs involved with me and she i loved the most but god loved her ore than i do. I never said ILU to irena, shazwani,ct or illyani. I heard they grumbling bout that but the fact,its not i don't love but they are being fake all the time.After all, they fake it really good, i've been stabbed,cheated, and dumped. I rarely mentioned the words to anyone except Mashy. 

And am quite suprised when i managed to said that to u easily as easy as Mashy. It shows how much u mean to me. Mashy has open up my eyes, my mind by showing me the wider definition of love. Love just not a passionate, not just a feeling but love is life and life is about two people help each other to be a better person, love is about how both of u enjoy and trust each other, love is not about how happy u are but how long u lived. I learnt that with her. Love is not bout kisses, huggings or datings but it is about how bout of u establish the mutual respect, the solid understanding, and firm roots. 

I found that in you. Eventhough u never show me tangibly but i can see it in your eyes, your sing of body language. That is why i really love you. God tested my before. Taken Mashy, make me sad thn god sent me fakers for a reason.So when finally i meet up my true soul, i will appreciate her so much. Than god sent you. I saw u, i like you and i loved u. 

For me, it was the greatest treasure i ever had beside my family. I respected you, and what's more important; i loved u. Even the first day i saw you, i just cant say anything, in front of u i am numbed, clue-less. The day i said "ILU too" are the day i made up my mind, this is the moment, this is the time. never let her lose on sight because god's gift is only for a while. Make used everything to love, to hold,to grab u so u will never far.

I've started to fall in love for the first time at age of 16. I've met Mashy at age 19 and she died year after. what more regretted is i never had a chance to say i love her for the last time.She passed away in front of me and i do still remember the last minute of her dying moment she said "elly, i letih la, i rasa xlarat i nk tido" and forget to mentioned, she was in hospital at that time because of heart problem. I've said to her "i've got something to say but its ok la u, u letih jer darls, xpela,u tido dlu,nti u da tido i blik" and i holds her hands, and sat down beside her and after a while, doctors rushed to her room and there she goes, lying on the bed, souless, no breaths, paled and numbed. The doctor said to me that she already passed away. 

At that moment, only god knows how painful i was, how devistated i was. I wnted to cry but no tear, i want to shout but my voice is kept inside, i cried heavily inside, my hearts are shattered into pieces that i can't amend anymore.I regretted, mad at myself but she was wiser, too wise, she left a note on her phone. "Elly, i wntd you to be happy but u cant have it with me, remember, i left you not because i don't love you but god love me more than you do" I remained silent for a year. once a bubbly guy has turned into a really lone, a lone person. 

what am trying to tell you my special someone; am not comparing you with her, but i love you just the way i love her. I wnted you to be my special someone until the time god says "shez, your time is up". I began to loved u and i do understand your situation, your problems and all.So take your time, i'll wait for u with smiles, and i will be glad if we can share the problem, we'll find the solutions, so help me to help u to help us to be better person.I don't want to regret anymore for the 2nd time because you are my special someone and i love you so.

so if u read this entry, rest assured, because am entirely for you because "ILU" and "ILU"  all the time.

Shah Al Zefflee Rosli

The first "ILU" Part 3: Lost in translation

Definition of love: share similar pattern, like, adore someone; adv etc..

Love, a nation that leads by everybody who are truly happy with what they got. 

A simple words but define many meanings inside. If we get too concerns, we lost but if we let it too loose, we also lost.

As far as this happy man concern, i don't want to lost in translation. Love's wide and become wider each time. Love is grows, bigger and bigger everyday but it also happen to shrink and shrink all the time. 

Previously, i have revealed my special someone to all bloggers, facebookers and happy to have her.My previous relationship are not so-good-bedtimes-story, i've been cheated, dumped, rejected, stabbed by my exs so many time now. I've got lost, lost to nowhere, somewhere, everywhere, everyday i weeped, sobbed and cry till i sleep. I don't know why am so jinx in this. 

I helped many of my friends in their relationships, some of them are married, getting married, engaged and fall in love like they never did before but look at me? 

Success as the repairman but failed as human that need love and wanted to love and to be love.

Failed..zero, non, nil..and many other words to show "0". 

Heaven sent her to me, a purple tops, sunglasses, a cute big brown eyes. How can i missed her there. My heart aching, aching to get to know her, my soul urging me to get to know her, my mind say yes, my eyes say yes but my mouth remain silent. Am i too coward?am i scared? yes..to be honest, am scared. Scare the fact am no perfect, scare the fact, i am nobody, scare the fact i'll bring damage to myself later on.

I just had a gut to stare at her.that's all but the desperation of this man, it too painful to ignore, too hard to dismiss, to hard to let go. So, i dropped down my ego asking her number thru her friend next day.

Puff...here i go, now texting her,sms'es and i am happy, as happy as happy feet. I don't want to lost anymore, i have a guideline, a platform but nobody's buying. Shit!

She's too good to be true (according to me not her) i like her, i do like her, i do..i do.

People said to me, if u love her, u should understand her, feed her and never let her loose, but never ever control her. If she's really love you like she did say it before, she'll come to you. 

 i asked her "u, did i tell u i wnt 2b with u properly?" she said "not rly.uhuh"

so i asked her again "huhu.sb ths thing happen, n i fal for u.Jaja, would u like to be my gf?2 share thick n thin wit me? i can't promise u gold, diamond or else but surely i promise u a hapiness with ths old man. would u?"

she replied "i would.bt to be sorry.I ni xde masa sgt untuk u.N to be frank, most guys cpt boring dgn i"

i replied " i understand but help me to help us not to get bored with each other and i assume it was YES? thn my phone beeped "YES"

but as we agreed, we want to remain close, and let's the time decide.

To my special someone:

 i am not pushing u nor forcing u.i already asked if u regret? u said no,

its ok, still plenty of time to get to know each other, u xpinggir kan i, dan i xpernah rasa cmtu.

in fact am happy. for 2 years i rarely saw a smile on my face but now,u already eased my pain. so jaja, please help me not to lost in translation again. I'm too tired to lost, too old to find way to back to square one. Even if this relationship takes years to grow, i'll wait for u.

"If we love someone, we have to let go by farah hanani"

The first "ILU" Part 1

How bout it? The 3 words that unite people merely separated into an item. The words that entire people in universe can understand. The words who no need the translation because it was an unique language, a taboo, a mystic and the what more important - a sharing words where 2 peoples starts to adjusted, adapted, amended and vowed not to go far away from each other.

Btw, i'm Shez, the "monkey" guy.Wrote this entry by myself because my personal writer; Ell is been busy taking a bath! (what the hell, what time is it now!) This is my story, a not-so-daily report of me. Hehehe

It was a few days back when both of us (my special someone) sms'es each other. I think on that time; "This is it, this is the moment i should say it to you or i'll regret it myself" and after a while i texted her said; "u,there is so many reason y am attracted to you beside your big wide brown eyes and bla..bla..bla..(too long to write + malu lah) thn my phone beeped: she replied "but u can at lest tell me one of those reasons, do u?" thn i replied i said; "i think i like u, yes i do" then she silent. I've said to myself; oh god..this is what am fear of, a rejection. then all of sudden, it beeped again said "am speechless" and we started to texted more and more until one point, she popped one question for me; "you like me as what?"

"Ehh..y i tell u all this story huh?xyah la baca..malu la..ok la ok la..i continue my entry"- shez

Thn with a guts, i typing to my special someone " i like u more thn frens" a simple words but cause me a lot of heart beats and anxious fear.Damn!. For about 10 seconds, i swear, it was the nervous moment in my life..can't wait to hear what she thinking. My phone beeped again.."beep, beep..i opened the sms and.......ayooo my mama msg plak tnya "awk jgn lupa pegi bg kucing makan" haishh kacau btul, then followed with the second msg. I refused to open the msg, doubtful and it can be a devistated time-bomb but when i open it i can't believe what i saw.

1 msg from Raja " Same goes to me.=) "  i started to smiles but still can't say anything. I'm happy, happy for entire life.

"ehh poyo la aku ni,tulis cam ni..ingt nk wat cerpen ke"-shez

this story not just end here. i'll write my 2nd part of "The first "ILU" "